cowperthwait | lies, evasion, spin, circumspection and cleverly veiled hype

There are definitely people interested in seeing more public sex … (but) right now, I'd just take it under advisement and wait and see what develops.

Two Anchorage men who told investigators they were horsing around with a "redneck flamethrower" set a 5-year-old boy’s head on fire and have been charged with felony assault and reckless endangerment, according to police and court records.

"It was described to the troopers as an accident," troopers spokeswoman Megan Peters said. "I mean, a child, two guys, can of Quick Start, Bic lighter: How could this not go wrong?"

According to a troopers’ affidavit filed in court, [Jonathan Michael Miller] told investigators he’s been trying to toughen the boy up and the best way to do it is to "scare the (expletive) out of them when they don’t see it coming." Asked why the child had not gotten treatment, Miller told investigators, "Why go make bills for yourself over little things," according to the affidavit.

The men denied drinking, saying it was a very "sober day," according to the affidavit.

The boy’s mother was away for the weekend and had left the boy with her current boyfriend, Miller, and [Stephen Ray Dilley II], with whom the mother has a child, according to troopers. Although she has a restraining order against Dilley, he has been living in a motor home on the property where she lives and helping her take care of her five children, according to troopers.

The men told troopers they were out on the porch smoking when they went inside and Dilley grabbed a can of compressed starter fluid and a lighter, troopers said.

"You know what would be funny?" Dilley said, according to the affidavit.

[Ryan] Haraughty, who worked for the [Shawnee Mission, KS] school district for the last 10 years, said in an interview that the firing stemmed from a recent incident.

Haraughty had drawn a picture of the United States and one of his students noticed that Florida was out of proportion. The student asked Haraughty about the error.

The teacher’s offhand response, which he said Monday he regretted, was: “Florida got excited.”

The day after the school board voted unanimously to terminate the teacher, an eighth-grade student at the school sent a text message to other students urging them to boycott classes today to protest the board’s action.

One student help up a sign that read, “Florida got excited, honk 4 Haraughty.” Many motorists did.

"I get so angry when I feel people pushing a weight-loss agenda," said Linda Bacon, a nutrition professor at City College of San Francisco and author of "Health at Every Size," a book published last year whose title has become the rallying cry of the fat pride community. "What we're doing in public health care policy is harmful. We give a direct and clear message that there's something wrong with being fat."

A federally financed study by Ms. Bacon, published in the book, found that there were many people who could be healthy in fat bodies.

The nature of the personal computer is simply not fully understood by companies like Apple (or anyone else for that matter). Apple makes the arrogant assumption of thinking that it knows what you want and need. It, unfortunately, leaves the “why” out of the equation - as in “why would I want this?” The Macintosh uses an experimental pointing device called a ‘mouse’. There is no evidence that people want to use these things. I don't want one of these new fangled devices.

Mr. Rogers he was not.

Armed with a samurai sword adorned with swastikas and a skull, 36-year-old George Rogers attacked an Upper Darby officer who responded to his suicidal 9-1-1 call Sunday, police said.

It was not a beautiful day in Rogers' neighborhood when he called 9-1-1 about 12:30 a.m. and said he'd just doused the rowhouse apartment he shares with his mother in gasoline, according to police.

During the attack, the commanding officer on scene, Lt. Mike Kehrle, used a stun gun on Rogers, causing him to "fall like a sack of potatoes," [Upper Darby Police Superintendent Michael] Chitwood said.

"We dubbed George Rogers the 'Last Samurai' because he's not going to be swinging any more knives or swords trying to kill cops anymore," Chitwood said.

"He obviously thought he was a real samurai," Chitwood said. "This guy has issues. He's not dealing with a straight deck."

Rogers, who has several arrests on lesser charges in his criminal background, is covered in tattoos, including one on his neck that reads: "Only God can judge."

"He has more tattoos than grass on a lawn," Chitwood said.

Are we seriously to believe that all the guys who didn't have awkward teen years somehow got bred out of the population? Where we went to high school, while the clumsy awkward teens were trying to discover our charming adult personalities, the cool teens were busy having sex with one another. After a few thousand years of that, shouldn't evolution dictate that we all turn into Sean Connery on our 13th birthday?

The defendant, Charles "Cheese" Heard, 25, was ordered to stand trial Wednesday on murder, attempted robbery and weapons charges linked to the slaying of Richard Barrett, 29, outside a Broadway nightclub in November 2008. Prosecutors say that Heard was after Barrett's gem-encrusted pendant of the Flintstones' Bamm-Bamm character.

Who’s someone people like? The Sullenberger guy, Chesley B. Sully Sullenberger, who became famous for not crashing an airplane last summer or whenever it was. Anyway, coincidentally, you know who the Republicans decided would make a great new congressman from California?

“Capt. Sullenberger has repeatedly stated that he has no desire to run for office,” said Alex Clemens, a San Francisco publicist who represents Sullenberger. The captain is happy with the job he has trained his whole life for, Clemens said.

Yeah yeah yeah. Anyway, it is BACK TO GOOGLE for House Republicans, who will now try to remember that other human that everyone likes… whatshisface….Twitter. Everyone likes Twitter. Chesley B. “Sully” Twitter for Republican Congressman from California.

• The Line Islands are a group of eleven atolls and coral islands south of Hawai‘i. Just to screw with everyone's head, about half of them are on UTC+14, which is to say, they're exactly one day ahead of Hawai‘ian time. It's tomorrow there, or yesterday here, or both.
  
  At supper last night, I attempted to wrap my and others' heads around this concept, with the assistance of many coconut-flavored cocktails. No luck yet; I'll try again tonight.
  
  
  
• You know who else doesn't get it? Amazon. Today I ordered some books to ship to myself here, and Amazon's shipping wizard helpfully observed that Thursday is both one day from now and two days from now:
  
  
  whoooah.
  
  This blows my mind, so it's time for more cocktails. Life is hard.

• Gays haven't gotten married yet (on account of its being illegal...), therefore...
• Gays must not want to get married, therefore...
• [???]
• Gays shouldn't be allowed to marry.

In virtually all the states, the percentage of same-sex couples who marry is far lower than the percentage of opposite-sex couples who marry.... To us, it says homosexuals do not view the institution of marriage the same way heterosexuals do. In fact, there's a lack of commitment to the institution of marriage in the homosexual community at large. That's one of the reasons why we think same-sex marriage should not be legalized.