cowperthwait | lies, evasion, spin, circumspection and cleverly veiled hype

hi-larious


This morning on my walk to the gym, I passed a shop window that proclaimed

HUGE SUIT SALE

and it occurred to me that this would be substantially more awesome if it had the word panda affixed to it:

HUGE PANDA SUIT SALE.

I would patronize this establishment. Everyone would patronize this establishment.

Just moments thereafter I realized that panda is a universal improver.

• Panda Family Grocers
• Mission Street Panda Food
• Panda Money Loaned
• Angie's Panda Jewelry
• A.C. Panda Trading Co.
• EV's Panda Repair Service
• Fantastic International Panda Services
• Discount Panda Meat & Groceries
• Free Panda AIDS Testing

At 6:00 in the morning, I thought this was pretty funny.

Marcus is in Boston for a conference, and he's been staying at my younger sister's house in Somerville.

I haven't checked in on them to see whether they're getting along — they'd better be: we're all heading to Kona together later this week... — and now I'm kind of afraid to.


Monday, 6p:




Tuesday, 7:30a:

From: redacted Cowperthwait <xxxxxxx@xxxxxxxxxxxxx.xxx>
Date: Tue, Sep 15, 2009 at 07:37
To: Jonathan E Cowperthwait <xxx@xxxxxxxxxxxxx.xxx>
Subject: (no subject)

MARCUS you just don't even know.

Tuesday, 8:30a:




It's best not even asking. Of course I'm going to ask, but it's best not to.

The new, Ben Silverman–less NBC has settled on the slogan with which it will promote its fall lineup: "More colorful," which narrowly defeated "Now with fewer leaked YouTube videos of our chairman of entertainment singing blues songs in a towel." The new slogan will debut around the September 14 premiere of Jay Leno's colorful new prime-time show.

—New York

Whoever made this ad is probably a 22 year-old "creative" at some ad agency in Tech Valley, CA. Way to think outside the box, sonny. Have fun snorting cocaine at the nightclub you go to with your friends who work at Twitter or wherever. And no, Adult Swim will NOT buy your stupid cartoon you're developing with your housemates about four guys who work at an ad agency but are secretly lobsters.

—No Justice, Part II: Boycott Jamba Juice!, from the Get Your War On guy, peeved at his lazy irony being co-opted by lazy ironists.

Johnson wonders whether AFP pays by the hackneyed adjective?, or maybe they recruit their writers from the Chicago Weekly News?...

WASHINGTON (AFP) — Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain this week plunge into the decisive phase of their sour White House battle, with the close race giving both a tantalizing hope of victory.

The presidential campaign has raged for a pulsating 18 months, and sucked up a billion dollars in campaign cash, while promising history and delivering large helpings of intense political acrimony.

... and the whole article goes on like this. It's wretched. Not as bad as apocalyptic musings from a drunk AP intern, but in that league.

We decide to forgive them, though, since they also gave us this:

Now political observers are intrigued to see how voters will judge the visual dynamic of a face-to-face debates between McCain, a grizzled Vietnam War veteran and Obama, the charismatic face of a new generation.

—McCain, Obama gird for election battle, AFP

Two new billboards in the Valley highlighting a Shoals tourist attraction are causing reaction from passing motorists.

The advertisement is supposed to attract people to the birth place of Helen Keller in Tuscumbia, but some say it is offensive. Both billboards are on Interstate 65.

The billboard has a young photo of Helen Keller and reads: "See, what she couldn't"…

—Helen Keller billboard is causing a buzz, WAFF-TV

Cowperthwait : e-mail signatures :: the Formerly Taciturn Swede : campaign tee shirts...

Marcus Westin — he of rockin' cardigans and a "really pretty" leather jacket — is pretty keen on the Obama campaign's new tee-shirt, too: Not only does Barack Obama (et al) know how I communicate (e-mail, blog presence, and youtube videos); he knows how I wear my t-shirts. —Barack knows me, marcuswestinblog

Spooky, isn't it?

Badvertising [via Consumerist.com]

seriously, what city were they even trying to represent: Palm Springs?


no diving onto the bricks!


Previously:
A Yam-Icing Saga

Spotted by Adland buddies Bridget and Katie:

As seen on FARK.com




I clicked for the offer, but alas found no such thing. I'm almost disappointed enough to get the FTC involved — I had just started to get excited by this.

my mother is mean.

How not to win public support for your cause:

[A]lthough corporate jets tend to use smaller airports in the New York area, it’s possible that a crowded 737 might have to wait for a tiny Gulfstream to take off in Miami or at Dulles, outside Washington.

The users of corporate jets defend this practice, saying they deserve equal takeoff rights. “On a business flight, you might have people going to Wall Street from companies who are creating jobs and generating billions of dollars in commerce,” Mr. Brown [of the National Business Aviation Association, a group representing owners of private business aircraft] says. “People on a commercial flight might be going on vacation or going to New York to go to the theater.”

—NYT

Translation:

Get out of my way! I'm rich, and you're gay!

"A confusion of tongues makes for a confusion of ideas and principles..."