Chesley B. 'Sully' Twitter for Republican Congressman from California
Oct. 3rd, 2009 | 05:15 am

Who’s someone people like? The Sullenberger guy, Chesley B. Sully Sullenberger, who became famous for not crashing an airplane last summer or whenever it was. Anyway, coincidentally, you know who the Republicans decided would make a great new congressman from California?…
—Wonkette“Capt. Sullenberger has repeatedly stated that he has no desire to run for office,” said Alex Clemens, a San Francisco publicist who represents Sullenberger. The captain is happy with the job he has trained his whole life for, Clemens said.
Yeah yeah yeah. Anyway, it is BACK TO GOOGLE for House Republicans, who will now try to remember that other human that everyone likes… whatshisface….Twitter. Everyone likes Twitter. Chesley B. “Sully” Twitter for Republican Congressman from California.
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death panels vs death stucco
Aug. 21st, 2009 | 05:46 am
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snap.
Jul. 21st, 2009 | 09:30 am
Whoever made this ad is probably a 22 year-old "creative" at some ad agency in Tech Valley, CA. Way to think outside the box, sonny. Have fun snorting cocaine at the nightclub you go to with your friends who work at Twitter or wherever. And no, Adult Swim will NOT buy your stupid cartoon you're developing with your housemates about four guys who work at an ad agency but are secretly lobsters.—No Justice, Part II: Boycott Jamba Juice!, from the Get Your War On guy, peeved at his lazy irony being co-opted by lazy ironists.
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and I kind of like you, David
Jun. 11th, 2009 | 08:57 am
Palin had also taken issue with an item on Letterman's recent "Top Ten List," in which he said one of the Alaska governor's activities in New York was to buy "makeup at Bloomingdale's to update her slutty flight attendant look."—CNN
"The only thing I can say about this is I kind of like that joke," Letterman said.
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waterboard Canada!
May. 17th, 2009 | 12:26 pm
"I don't want to alarm anyone, but after Cheney defended water-boarding, saying it yielded 'invaluable information', he asked me to get him an exact figure on how much cotton the slaves actually picked," said the aide.—Tabitha Southey infiltrates the RNC
"Do what it takes. I definitely fear more talking."
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now you know! subsidized maps -> crime
Apr. 27th, 2009 | 01:03 pm
While trolling our office garage to ogle the bossman's shiny BMW*, I came upon an early 1980s map of San Francisco bus and subway lines.
The map itself isn't too interesting — it was published after the last stage of the Market Street subway had opened, so things look mostly the same as today, only with the Embarcadero Freeway and without the T line... — but I was tickled by the "editorial" on the back page.
Looks like someone was displeased with whom the city had hired for this or that map contract. As we all know, that's Communist!

____________________
* True story. "I want one," I said. Bossman said something about paying me too much.
The map itself isn't too interesting — it was published after the last stage of the Market Street subway had opened, so things look mostly the same as today, only with the Embarcadero Freeway and without the T line... — but I was tickled by the "editorial" on the back page.
Looks like someone was displeased with whom the city had hired for this or that map contract. As we all know, that's Communist!
____________________
* True story. "I want one," I said. Bossman said something about paying me too much.
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Annals of Euphemism
Apr. 24th, 2009 | 02:55 pm

Dr. Holmes deduces no excrement
"The requirement to obtain information from an uncooperative source as quickly as possible — in time to prevent, for example, an impending terrorist attack that could result in loss of life — has been forwarded as a compelling argument for the use of torture.... In essence, physical and/or psychological duress are viewed as an alternative to the more time-consuming conventional interrogation process. The error inherent in this line of thinking is the assumption that, through torture, the interrogator can extract reliable and accurate information. History and a consideration of human behavior would appear to refute this assumption."...
In conclusion, the document said, "the application of extreme physical and/or psychological duress (torture) has some serious operational deficits, most notably, the potential to result in unreliable information." The word "extreme" is underlined.—Document: Military Agency Called Harsh Methods 'Torture,' Questioned Their Effectiveness, Washington Post
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And why do we drive on parkways? Am I right, people?
Mar. 24th, 2009 | 09:47 am

let's cut funding for educating about... SCIENCE!
We are not warming. The warming you see out there, the supposed warming, and I am using my finger quotation marks here, is part of the cooling process. Greenland, which is now covered in ice, it was once called Greenland for a reason, right? Iceland, which is now green. Oh I love this. Like we know what this planet is all about.—Michael Steele is an idiot
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"Mobs eventually want a prize for their trouble, and gladiators are in short supply"
Mar. 21st, 2009 | 10:58 am

Kathleen Parker is a kid in a China shop with a toothpaste tube full of metaphor:
"I think they're drinking water from a fire hose even more than we were," a Bush White House official said to me a few days ago. "I actually feel sorry for them."—WaPo
That fire hose apparently is tapped into the Dasani Aquifer. The plugging-leaks-in-the-dike metaphor is no longer adequate to the titanic episode now engulfing the nation's capital.
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toning for America
Mar. 3rd, 2009 | 06:19 am

nice arms, modestly concealed
“This woman is redecorating the White House, trying to raise two children, and backseat-driving the nation,” said a 25-year-old woman who watched the first lady on television, then went to an Adidas store in New York City and bought two five-pound dumbbells. “She seems to have time to keep her arms toned, so why can't I?”—CNN, via Harper's
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entitlement spending is whizzack
Feb. 19th, 2009 | 08:23 am

Likely Democrats
We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.—Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele is off the hook, yo [Washington Times]
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dogs and cats sleeping together!
Feb. 4th, 2009 | 11:14 am
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pick me!
Feb. 3rd, 2009 | 10:08 am
One quarter, I tried to do my own taxes. I thought I would enjoy it: discovering how complicated a person — even a mundane person like me — possibly could end up looking on paper. As it turned out, I didn't enjoy this. I made a huge mess of flowcharts and spreadsheets; I got bewildered and discouraged; I avoided everything for a whole week, going to bed every night without finishing it all; and I ended up becoming That Guy Who Knows Which Post Office Is Open Until Midnight. (358 W Harrison — free parking!) What a huge mistake.
I share this story because it seems to qualify me for a cabinet-level position in the new White House. Mr. President, I await your call.
I share this story because it seems to qualify me for a cabinet-level position in the new White House. Mr. President, I await your call.
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someone should give Rod Blagojevich a television program
Jan. 30th, 2009 | 10:17 am

I had no idea what Governor Blagojevich was talking about, so here's a picture of Oolong with a pancake.
But whether it's a court of law or administrative hearing or whether it's schoolyard justice when one kid hits another, but the kid that hit him wasn't the one who did it, he's got other boys he'd like to have tell the teachers he didn't do it. Whether it's them or whether it's an impeachment process where you're seeking to remove a governor who is twice elected by the people, I think fundamental fairness, fundamental justice, natural law and constitutional rights suggest I should be able to bring witnesses in to say I didn't do the things they said I did.—Rod Blagojevich [via Chicago Trib]
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Outlandos d'Amour was a good record, though
Jan. 27th, 2009 | 04:50 am
MONTREAL – Montreal police have asked the city to empower local officers to crack down on insult-hurling citizens – likely with a blow to their pocketbooks....
...
The union wants Tremblay to make it illegal for members of the public to call cops profanity-laced nicknames, or to call them names like "pig" and "doughnut-eater."Montreal was also expected to pass a motion Monday night to meet another police request... that would prohibit protesters from covering their faces during demonstrations.
—Montreal police ask city to make insults illegal, Toronto Star
Claude Dauphin, Montreal's executive member in charge of public security, said there would be exceptions to the rule.
For example, demonstrators would have the right to don headgear resembling a particular politician whose position is the target of a rally, or slip on a ski mask when the temperature dips to -25 C.
Men's Heavyweight T-Shirt: Blasting At Random Targets, Matt Did That
